NOTEBOOK #12 (1890-1892)
12/1 2) Illegitimate Child Story – turns on heredity. The illeg daughter good and delightful girl, curse of heredity in her – feels self going as mother had done & commits suicide (child of evil passions).
12/2 3) Story might be told in two ways – happy as might have been, unhappy as was. (Or the former a dream prologue) The seducer cd be man who was painted as child on mother's knees. (End)
12/3 7) Man falling in love with illegitimate sister.
12/4 11) Illegitimate Child. End - She cd pray to God to do something to her, & he kills her with lightening (hands clasped in prayer).
12/5 12) It is her father I say at end have seen portrait of on his mother's knee.
12/6 13) Story jumps from her birth (& mother's death), yet showing squalor of parents, to her 18th year, a beautiful girl, but this curse of passion in her blood.
12/7 14) A magnificent unreadable face – like an illuminated scroll.
12/8 43) Illegitimate Child If heredity with heroine, also with villain?
12/9 44) End [of `The Little Minister'] If B[abbie] looses a tooth in tearing the string from her hands, she gets false one – Talk about woman proud of her false set.
12/10 57)* Style As difficult to hit get the right word as to hit a squirrel.
12/11 70) Note Many characters to be got out of my old articles.
12/12 72) Illegitimate Child The sense of impending tragedy shd hang over the story.
12/13 72) The Illegitimate Child Name of child from child of similar birth in Bible (story cd have this name for title).
12/14 73) Illegitimate Child Death might come to man as like hawker hanged by his pack when the lad weary of his iniquity (or he might live on) & even his good points be shown by author.
12/15 82) Children bringing corn to school as sign it's ripe & ∴ shd get holidays.
12/16 94) Postman's cart can always hold one more letter.
12/17 105) Illegitimate Child Girl has spiritual visits of the man when seems to see him & she tempted by the mirage so that can't help herself (she is seen from window) when she comes to she is in agony with shame (all hereditary).
12/18 114) Revise Chp 3 [`The Little Minister'] Man who wdnt vote for candidate(s) who talked like geniuses ∵ all such in his experience idiots.
12/19 117)* Adapt. Story of lover who to please sweetheart killed his mother & cut out her heart. He tripped & the bleeding heart said `Art hurt, dear son?'
12/20 121) `If thine eye offend thee' &c (Matthew 6) – A man who actually does pluck it out.
12/22 133) A character always saying `What was it I was going to say?' Had it on tip of my tongue, &c. Same person [with arrow to next note No. 134)
12/23 134) Play A forgetful character like Gilmour to whom you tell same story in each act. ( In last act he cd tell it to you).
12/24 135) Boy Horrified at reflection that his sister is so little. (or ugly)
12/25 136) Haggart says women have one thin in common – want first born to be a boy.
12/26 137) Haggart has grand unreadable face like woman's sampler.
12/27 141) Like a face, drawer if you pull out something falls out at back.
12/28 146) Trees Pinewood – the blue of trunks makes a blue misty haze among the many coloured greens.
12/29 151) A Romance of Queen Mary Hero wants as reward only to kiss her. She says `as a subject his queen' – He: `Us, as a man, a woman'. He takes this instead of knighthood.
12/30 163) Myself inquisitive boy at Bothwell, asking `Is that the servant' &c.
12/31 181) Story – Newspaper contributor bribes beautiful girl to pretend she him – She calls on Editor & makes such impression he accepts articles.
12/32 188)* `Cd you give me 1d?' – `Yes' `3d?' – `Yes' – `3d?' – `Yes' – `6d?' – `Na, I dinna carry abt large sums.'
12/33 190) Article A grand lady calling on man who had been tried for murder to ask if he really did it (curiosity).
12/34 195) Mary Rind's story of man wanting to keep a divorce out of papers. Editor: (Jocularly) `You rogue, who is the woman?' Man: `My wife.'
12/35 197) Story of friendship. One friend going everywhere with another to save him from suicide.
12/36 198) Waiter Story (Temple Club) Drops plate on my toes – my rage – cider member on cause, we find out wife dying, &c. He doesn't want it known, `The gentlemen don't like to be waited on by sad person – bad form in members to learn anything abt waiters.
12/37 204) Miss Forsyth when I wdnt tell her a secret ∵ she wd let it out, said, `No, I wd forget it.'
12/38 205) Phyllis born afresh every morning – comes fresh from egg every morning. Taking hold of me by button hole.
12/39 206) Children chased eventually run to you in fear.
12/40 214) The poetry there is in money.
12/42 215) Men are really more domesticated than women (Gilmour, &c)
12/41 216) Taking medicine on a sixpence.
12/43 226) Short Story – A & B (elderly sisters) A has lover in Australia. She dies & he continues writing – B doesn't let on A dead but goes on receiving the letters & answering them – her one pleasure in life feeling she has lover.
12/44 228)* Story Club Author engaged to woman with no interest in his work or points in common. He knows it yet can't do without her, tho' aware wretchedness must result.
12/45 234) Houseboat [Walker, London] T says if had been a woman cd have easily joined aristocracy by going on Music Hall stage.
12/46 236) Short story – An oldish man has lived secluded life, been cheated out of youth, but every man is born with birthright to love once, so in old age he falls in love with young woman & does precisely as a young man. (Sad in telling – Sad ending)
12/47 239) W. Bradshaw still goes & sits in the old journal office.
12/48 241) Story – A woman of the street (girl) who `got on' in her profession – (rose from commoners to swells, &c) kept her people (good girl)
12/49 246) Punch & Judy Show On stage – living figures – (Ibsenite or otherwise)
12/50 271)* Man goes digging to make fortune leaving wife at home – she makes the fortune.
12/51 278/9 Make London, Thrums idea of spectre following man who had done evil.
12/52 278/10 Ditto man who committed adultery in imagination (this ruins girl, &c) He seen from window as if thought she was with him. (End as 9?)
12/53 278/11 Man and woman who loved. She disappears inexplicably & he never knows why or where.
12/54 278/16* Man who from reading `Wuthering Heights' fell in love with author, & so understood her character. Walked to Haworth to see her (wht happened? Her funeral?)
12/55 283)* Love scene – man chaffing girl abt her books &c. (I & Phyllis on sofa.)
12/56 285)* Death is terrible to all except to him who is dying. %
12/57 287)* `The Silent Pool' (Title)
12/58 288) Article (Magazine) – Boy caned – instead of being disgraced it makes hero of him.
12/59 292) Article – How report that I had written a play grew.
12/60 312) [Opera Notes] Such small feet that she has sometimes to light a candle to look for them.
12/61 441) Warkly = Workly = Inclined to work (`He wasner very warkly')
12/62 335) Short Story Man writing great book (or artist) has to give up owing to love for mother or sister (to devote himself to her)
12/63 337) Self Made Woman Miss Ogilvy's spiteful talk of Maggie Alexander's marriage. (Or Play)
12/64 339) Mother pines for the prodigal tho' she has a dozen other children all attractive to her.
12/65 340) Cowardice & Courage. Coward doing brave things from love when courageous man afraid.
12/66 342) Man who got watch as present took it to watchmaker to see what it cost.
12/67 343)* At funeral, `You'll find the whisky on the dining-room sideboard – my father (the corpse) is on the table.' (McLind's story)
12/68 344) Lord Airlie got letter addressed `Ld Airlie, Glendevilknowswhere, N.B.'
12/69 346) Boy's delight in being called by his surname for the first time.
12/70 348) Play. Scene – Two girls going thro' marriage service (eagerness to say `I will').
12/71 350) Cardinal Beatown said to have had a mistress in each of his castles.
12/72 351) Card Beatown ran off with an Ogilvy girl from Airlie, & kept her in Castle of Balfour so that Airlies cd see where she was (married her apparently) – So Dowager Countess Airlie says.
12/73 349) Play – `The Dowager' Character a dowager countess (say) who is only 20 yrs old (had married -man of 45 – second wife). The countess, 22, has child, so dowager a grandmamma complicatis as she is fond of pleasure – smack child for calling her grandmamma – countess annoys by calling her `mamma'.
12/74 352) John Rae asking Gilmour to my dinner on night of G's marriage. (Dreary man in a play)
12/75 353) Lady Airlie has story tht at time of French Revolution the bible was burned in Forfar market place. This wd make forcible scene (not necessarily burning it owing to revolution excitement – perhaps for personal reasons. Haggart might do it.
12/76 345) Mrs Carlyle's story (to Lady Airlie) of girl married to lout – hated him – hated for many years – but when he became old & poor she nursed him & mourned his death dreadfully. – Mrs C quotes with approval the doctor saying of this woman that women always love memory of man who gave them plenty to do.
12/77 355)* A woman's craving for sympathy – as Mrs Carlyle's.
12/78 356) Noblest Ideas. It is when we think of those we love that our finest ideas come to us – so if we love God most, our finest ideas of all come from thinking of him.
12/79 357) Vixi. The glory of feeling tht whatever happens in future we have had great times in the past.
12/80 358) Pity akin to Love. Young lovers think each other perfect – But deeper nobler love when we see the failings in those we love, & so feel imperfections & limitations of humanity of which we are a part – from this we get love for those who have sinned, &c. - & the feeling of trying to help each other comes in. (This must be meaning of pity being akin to love)
12/81 359) Shd Haggart hang himself?
12/82 360) The way we are patronising.
12/83 362) Scotchman in storm, wind, rain, &c. on coach discussing metaphysics or church question.
12/84 363) Story. Old minister near Perth recently died – no relatives – in his garret was found sheaves of his old love letters.
12/85 364) Newspaper today (Nov 24, '91) announce how man with his arm cut off brandished it in other arm threatening people.
12/86 365) Caithness minister who never saw people – even his bootmaker never saw him – minister put his feet out at window to be measured.
12/87 366) The minister (of 363) miserly, made 3 days porridge at once to save coal.
12/88 367) Carlyle's. In Lady Airlie's letters one from Mrs C abt old woman to whom Lady A had sent love & said wd like to kiss her – Old woman (delighted) said `I'm thinking I wd be a queer one to kiss' – Mrs C comments `A woman never so old that doesn't like to be made of.'
12/89 370) Houseboat. Jasper (Whisky) I can take it or want it, &c.
12/90 372) Joseph Irvine's friend struck man & apologies, `I thocht you wd hae jankit.'
12/91 374)* To John Ogilvy, wandering from the subject of his speech, a voice – `John, you're off your eggs.'
12/92 375) A scene in a Play – A brave soldier's difficulty in taking a pill.
12/93 377) An offer of Marriage – Someone declining offer of marriage in letter, & then accepting in postscript.
12/94 378) Man used to one dish for dinner wd think several dishes several dinners on end.
12/95 381) Theatrical Story A Tree character & a drunken actor – The latter at a dinner proposes T's health in grand terms with absurdly insulting Latin quotations &c. & T takes it seriously as praise.
12/96 382)* There may be moments when the most beautiful object in nature is a matchbox. %
12/97 384) Toole (to Billington, expostulating) `Every word you say is true, but at this moment I am worth £---. What are you worth?'
12/98 385) T's generosity [J.L.Toole] Giving £500 to distressed person of won free will, knowing no hope of getting it back. Didn't grudge princely banquets but grudged salaries & paying 3/- for `perishable properties'.
12/99 386) Theatrical Story Girl loves A, he is thrashed corporeally by B before her, then she goes off with B, & loves him – (Showing women's lavish feeling)
12/100 387)* To kiss an actress is merely a sign you bear her no ill will.
12/101 391) Barr's Story of his father & another putting weather-cock at a height. Dizzy. Other: `Which of these three holes will I put it in?' Father: `The middle one.' (There was only one)
12/102 394) Play. Pathetic. Mother admits to her son tht father had really loved another woman.
12/103 397)* Title: `The Sentimentalist' (Novel)
12/104 398) Novel. Man in love a second time repeats his `business' with first girl to second – This tho' genuine – It's effect upon him on reflection, &c.
12/105 399)* This sentimentalist wants to make girl love him, bullies & orders her (this does it) yet doesn't want to marry – The first love affair wd have effect of no longer making him wish to marry (or even in first he may not have wanted to do so)
12/106 400)* Treat man really loving, yet not wanting to marry – effect on woman (M.A.) [M.A. presumably refers to Mary Ansell, whom Barrie met in January, 1892, and promptly engaged her for the 2nd leading role in `Walker, London' under Toole's management.]
12/107 401)* Such a man, if an author, wd be studying his love affair for book. Even while proposing, the thought of how it wd read wd go thro' him.
12/108 402)* Sentimental love-making – `Is this my little girl? Whose [midge?] is this?' &c. (Give fully) Great men of science talk like this to woman (hero a genius).
12/109 404)* Literary man can't dislike any one he gets copy out of.
12/110 405) He forgives the MB girl ∵ she makes him a better girl.
12/111 407) This hero feeling has gone too far with girl & she loves him tho' not he her, writes her a letter deliberately to put himself in her power.
12/112 408) Girl spent happy day in hotel, says `Goodbye, dear room' before quitting it.
12/113 409)* First, her independence, 2nd hates herself at feeling it go, 3rd proud to be his slave – Their talk of this – his pride in making her say she is his slave & he her master – Her wistful humbleness about future.
12/115 410)* They arrange to love, not marry. %
12/116 411)* Her entreating him to say he knows she doesn't love him, &c. when obvious she does – this ∵ her self esteem suffering.
12/117 412) Her wonder at his knowing her so well – he knows wht loving women are, & she thinks it is only his ∵ of her.
12/118 413) Her horror of `other woman'. [etc]
12/119 415) Her early days – Tomboy at school, &c.
12/120 416) Actress going round to different hoardings, public houses, &c, in a cab to see that her `lithos' are being exhibited.
12/121 417)* Love Scene – Her abandonment of self to him – asking `Do you love me' &c. Bursts of fondling him. `How I give myself away by showing how I love you – why am I so ridiculous? &c. Yet I like to show I am yr save – tho' my idea formerly of how things in love shd be was just the reverse.'
12/122 418)* Her despondency at nights – impulsive desire to write & tell him she is miserable or happy.
12/123 419)* She pretends doesn't want him to marry – really this cause of her doubts – she can't be sure he loves her.
12/124 420)* Her way of peering over her fur collar.
12/125 421)* Her ordering clothes for him, &c, - Motherly feelings.
12/126 422)* Her hunger is to have him say she is his queen instead of slave – also tht he has made her better man [sic] &c. these have always been her ideas of how a man really in love wd regard the woman.
12/127 423) Opening chps on his college days – still remembered by some – shy considered until incident showing he felt he wd be big man & they his mere satellites – Bashful with women, but incident proving he felt they had only to know him to love him – He always wanted to kiss pretty girls tho' manner made him stiff with them – His reserve – The real man inside – his fine ideas that lasted half-an-hour till in after years (when he still had them) he laughed at himself for having them, knowing in his mind how short they wd last. – His real goodness – soft-hearted – love of home – horror of hurting people's feelings (this true gentlemanliness)
12/128 424)* How far his shyness is the real cause of all his weakness & badness (work out). Got on with so few people tht had to make much of the few. Thus missed flirting days of boyhood & they came later when he knew the world, felt rightly the girls' feelings & characters, & so was more dangerous to them – he exulted in being so – Then cd be full of work, &c – The work so fine tht it made him attractive to women, it extolled them, &c.
12/129 435) His sister stays with him – his wonderful goodness to her, & desire she shd never know wht he really is – She know him better than any other person, yet only knows the good side of him – One weakness of him she knows is his admiration for female beauty.
12/130 426) This sister might be plain & ugliness, & have his admiration for female beauty too – yet sometimes could shake the `pretty ninnies' of whom she is worth a 1,000.
12/131 427) He might be an African explorer, or scientific man.
12/132 428) He cd feel that his carryings on with women a curse, disgraceful to him - & the revulsion makes him do some of his biggest things in work.
12/133 429)* He never has contact with a woman – If she had this might have made him exult less in making women love him, & so he wd have been a better man (develop this notion).
12/134 430) Coming back from Africa ill – he is nursed by ladies who like to nurse a hero - & in bravery he is a real hero.
12/135 431) Play. Opening with marriage in Scotch house – someone coming to marriage in mourning.
12/136 432)* Play or Novel. The girl in her light love moments, pulling hero's hair, nose, &c. – impulsively saying `How beautiful you are – do you love me really – how much to do you love me' &c, flinging herself at his feet & kissing them, &c. then jumping up crying, `I didn't want you to know I love you like that – I give myself away' &c.
12/137 433)* The girl when won't do what he tells her to do (knowing it wrong – he treating her like child) lies on floor with head on chair, twisting about in woe.
12/138 433)* She says she wants to be treated as a woman & he treats her as child – then she says she likes him to call her child but not to think her one. (naïve)
12/139 433)* She makes him say he is her slave – then impulsively cries it is she who is his – she wants him to say he is because she know she isn't. `I shd hate you really to be my slave – on. Say again that you are My Master'.
12/140 434)* His feelings of repentance after making her act as slave to him.
12/141 435) She ordering clothes for him, &c. (A chapter on this)
12/142 436)* If she an actress, shd he not be a dramatist?
12/143 437) Tho' he & she had married, wd she have been happy (after a time) not acting? Probably not.
12/144 438)* She cd marry someone after she & he drifted apart (a music carrier type?) Such a marriage is comparatively trivial affair in an actresses life. (Her `independence' now comes back in force – this is the beginning of her downward course.)
12/145 439) She never becomes a great actress, but a very popular one to about degree of Norreys.
12/146 440) Becomes stout & has to play old woman, &c. – the agony of this. (No future now).
12/147 441) How talked of now by press & public cpd to her old pretty days – `a necessary nuisance' she (overhears such talk, or the man does).
12/148 442) Does the man disappear when he and she part? (This true to life)
12/149 443)* Effect on actress of passionate love scenes, &c, develops animal passions.
12/150 444) She ends on music halls (drunk the first night).
12/151 445) Getting private photograph of herself for him – its strange effect on her- kissing it &c, saying `Isn't she sweet?' poor darling, &c. – dead person – be good to her – feeling tht this is a girl he has made, tht she is giving away the best of herself to death.
12/152 446)* He: (In cab) Shall I make you warm?
She: (Whispering) If you want to.
[Last note no. 446, The remaining 3 pages of the notebook are crammed with titles including:
The Giddy Cuckoo, The Two Cuckoos, The Other Cuckoo, Hark! The Cuckoo, Two Of Them, Cuckoos, The Giddy Caterpillar, The lady Killer, He Would Be A Gentleman, The Premature Honeymoon, The Fascinater, The Fascinating Stranger, The Fancy Jane, The Giddy Maria, The Giddy Swan, The Explorer, The Blackbird, The Nightingale, Up the River, Pro Tem, The Incognito, The Bachelor's Honeyboom, The Mockingbird, The Cuckoo, Africaner, The Conquering hero, A celebrity At Home, The Honeymoon In Advance, Jack O'Lantern, The Mystery Man, The Blue Stocking, The River Nymph, The Hobbledehoy, Fancy Free, The Mermaiden.
The next notebook is dated March 14th, 1892, indicating that the latter part of this notebook was ` written during February and early March. `Walker, London' opened on February 25th, 1892]
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