NOTEBOOK #14 (1892-1893?)
14/1 18) BKWM [`Bookworm'] First act in his London study – Sister in Scotland – he is in woe, can't work, gets doctor who at first thinks it is a malady – then sees B is in love. Horror of B – B gasps `With whom?' He has no idea & doctor tho' guesses it is A won't tell – Alarm of B, change of life &c, packs to go off to sister to fly from this woman, whoever she is (must be in London as he worked well in Scotland). He takes A with him & exeunt, leaving doctor `wondering how it will end', and chuckling (Curtain). Audience see A loves him & tht it is she he loves. [This note transcribed by Mackail, p 196]
14/2 24) A refuses him at first ∵ [because] of pride (SMW [Self Made Woman] at her) & ∵ thinks she wd be second to books, &c.
14/3 28) Chief reason he comes to house [ in Scotland] is tht in youth had despised it & hurt parents feelings who proud of him, &c. He points out the spot where they were when he pained them – A pathetic ennobling scene like a touch of Jamie's remorse in `Window in Thrums'.
14/3a 45) End (Or Act 1) Doctor says better than learning, fame, &c, is to have arm round the girl you love & know tht she likes it to be there.
14/4 46) Act 1. B had expressed horror at putting arm round waists, &c, & the rest of love-making, reduce great man to level of yokel. Dr says if he never has the desire he has missed his birthright.
14/5 52) SMW has left written paper of instructions to him, which he reads out – `Change socks Tuesdays & Saturdays, flannels Sundays, &c &c.* Don't leave cheques in trouser pockets. – Get hair cut, &c, Never wipe inky fingers on coat. [Crossed out: Don't get coals with hand & then wipe fingers on coat.] He wonders if the strange feeling is ∵ he has neglected some of her orders. [*Shadesof Wendy’s instructions to Peter when leaving to fly home]
14/6 65) Act 1. Dr & B discuss the question whether men of genius shd marry. [Crossed out: B says not, D says Fudge.] SMW: Yes, if he can find a woman who will perhaps wilt his genius.
14/7 68) B realises he has been leading a selfish life engrossed in own work, &c, & not playing citizen's part in world.
14/8 72) Doctor maintains to SMW tht B's marrying wd be the remaking of him – he has got so sunk in books, they'll drown, he'll become a parchment, a mummy – This leads to SMW on possible mates for him à la Margaret to Gavin [in The Little Minister].
14/9 73) Doctor says a sister can never be like a wife – Nor a brother as a husband – appeals to her old love [?] - she affects to sneer at it as [?] rubbish.
14/10 89) B on hard fight at first – Beginning life with a rocking chair – Three times had to begin it again – Time when knew best shop: for 1d. buns, &c Large buns in Red Lion Street. Doctor says larger in Holborn, &c.
14/11 90) In old days nothing frightened B except the barmaids.
14/12 132) Novel. Hero studying heroine for his book. Knew from his own past that her sufferings wd soon be over – love burning out - & then a sort of pleasure to recall.
14/13 133) Girl's greatest glory in love is being loved for what she really is (Play & Novel)
14/14 134) How do you know you are worthy of a woman? Wht have you done tht you dare ask one for herself so glibly? Prof. Early in Act 3 [The Professor's Love Story]
14/15 135) Jumping out of bed to take notes.
14/16 136) B apparently listening to wht told him, & then takes notes on something tht has crossed his head. [more to transcribe]
14/17 144) Why men smoke. [MyLady Nicotine]
14/18 168) Hero's early days – Chatterbox &c hiding. (Give these experiences to heroine?) Dominoes & 6d. book &c.
14/19 170) Possible Titles: They Laugh Who Win – Look For the Woman – Find the Woman – The Professor – The Woman Hater – Second Childhood – The Woman in Possession – The Eternal Feminine – [Etc. Titles refer to the story line of The Professor's Love Story]
14/20 182) Act 2 – Prof thinks love a false alarm – not trying to work, just enjoying himself – Youth returning.
14/21 183) Realising love better than books & fame.
14/22 185) S.M.W. (Act 1) Stupidest woman is more than match for cleverest male.
14/23 203) S.T. [Sentimental Tommy] (Elspeth's Lover) `Her father a baker' – Mine was a fishmonger. [This seems to be the first direct mention of Sentimental Tommy' in Barrie’s notebooks]
14/24 213) Schoolboy – on subscribing to Mission Box – then taking money out.
14/25 220) The watchword of [?] Reform League is to be `Simplicity' (Which word Sir G rolls on his tongue) – it is the flower, &c. He thinks that [run?] up amount of material & cost – But by end he sees simplicity (Hat, &c) is dearest thing of all, and damns it)
14/26 225) Novel. Boy & Girl. Who held funeral (& paid money) for parent who had been buried years before – (See past notes) The dead person the mother. The father while she was dying working hard for money to pay her funeral expenses ∵ she in horror of parish funeral. – She happy at sight of money – When he has sufficient it is stolen. He can't tell her, she dies ignorant & is buried by parish. He dies without being able to do anything. – Long after the children do as in early notes. [i.e. exhume their parents and rebury them as per their wishes.]
14/27 226) This woman knowing she is to die today wants & gets an egg to breakfast as a treat – kisses it.
14/28 227) Novel. Hero sorry for 2nd girl thru vividly remembering own suffering from first yet foresees how she will get over it as he did – He forgets woman differently constituted from man.
14/29 232) Mother's favourite dressing as girl was pink print, white bonnet & pink ribbons tied under chin.
14/30 233) Melancholy to think a man (dead) once important – now nothing remembered of him save tht he liked a biscuit to tea & cdn't afford it. (Minister)
14/31 236) `Marriage good for women not men' – Tht makes things awkward.
14/32 239) Remarkable that the bridge of a woman's nose may change history of the world.
14/33 240) A man's thrill at first sharp discovery tht he is looked on as `eligible' for marriage.
14/34 251) Play. Character who in talk jumps irrelevantly from one subject to another – asking irrelevant questions, &c.
14/35 252) Novel. Lover going to visit his love's home purposely – strange beautiful feelings in picturing her as she was before he knew her (He is killed on way home).
14/36 253) Novel. This lover fearing girl will die – It is he who dies.
14/37 254) Play. Two elderly men quarrel about relative merit of their schools – Eton & Harrow.
14/38 256) How long ago it may be since yesterday.
14/39 259) No reward from God in this world (except own conscience).
14/40 260) Bones creak in night when you stealthily move about room of invalid not to wake him.
14/41 261) Strange after loved one's death to see papers again & see all world crying out agst pinpricks – as we ourselves did but the other day, & will do again.
[On May 9th, 1892, Barrie’ssister Maggie’s fiancée was killed after being thrown from the horse Barrie had given him as a wedding present. These notes were made around this time.]
14/42 266) Novel. After death, a character talks beautiful resignation, &c, yet wht is feeling at heart? A kicking at the awfulness? A bitterness? Work out this, showing almost no one in these cir[cumstances] gets at others real feelings each conceals from other.
14/43 267) A stone on road in memorial of a fatal accident might have awful words carried on it as —
`Here was killed so & so
Brave gallant man,
Knocked out of the world by God
While doing his duty
Left by his God to die in a ditch.
God is love.'
(this by brother who makes sister good by telling tht dead lover rewarded by God, &c? Then he cd become a true Christian afterwards).
14/44 268) Short Story. A short story about little boys at Lucknow during the siege – how they played, tho' death, &c all around – parents looking on, &c – they played at sieges, seen by parents carrying one of themselves as if dead, he turns out to be dead, had been killed. (See Lord Inglis's Siege of Lucknow).
14/45 270) People speaking of Death say it is survivors they pity tho' the dead young – This is their religion – yet is it not the dead tht are pitied? If so, how much better to tell truth. Is there such a being as one absolutely truthful person?
14/46 272) Novel. Good[?] girl dying (Marjory) can't see angels, &c. coming for her – a little frightened, but simple & trusting. Truthful. (This to brother tending her – How he helps her, &c).
14/47 273) Novel. It is the small jokes tht have given most pleasure (as between lovers) far more pleasure than the fine jokes tht go sounding round the world.
14/48 276) We strive for happiness – Get it in the striving, never in theaccomplishment.
14/49 278) Maggie as communicant with the Livingstones. [Meaning of note?]
14/50 280) People say `you are looking better' at time when you are at your worst.
14/51 282) Novel. In mental agony as in bereavement one can step out of self & pity self pathetically.
14/52 283) Novel. M. Addison. At a death it (talk) is all good – At a marriage all ill. (Significant contrasts Death & Marriage as opposites of happiness & unhappiness).
14/53 284) Novel. Maggie as child crying ∵ [because] sure tht if she had not been my sister I wd not have wanted to marry her.
14/54 285) Opening of Novel. Childhood of self & M [Maggie], her influence on me –
1) I cdn't harry nests [i.e. raid birds' nests]
2) Her praying at door.
3) Her fear to steal stones.
4) Her saying `I think so, [lest?] lying'.
5) She cdn't get to station with me ∴ [therefore] cried.
6) My fondness for her, yet ashamed to show it.
7) I thought her so disgracefully little.
8) Drawing her out to make her talk.
9) Taking her to fishing, stalking.
10) Saying I was to kill self (Is this in `Window' [in Thrums]?)
11) Adapt `Schoolboy' to this opening of novel?
14/55 286) If Novel called `Sentimental Tommy', a short opening chp abt an old woman or a practical girl he wanted to marry when poor, girl like mother when young) who at all periods of his life when hearing wht he was doing said `Sentimental Tommy' (utterly disbelieved in him) But didn't say it at last thing told of him, his death.
[After note #291, Barrie misreads his own writing and continues numbering as if from 271.]
14/55 2-272) Sentimental Tommy He tries to get rid of sentiment, but it is too strong for him – up to death even. (Imperious nature – or heredity?) He is then comic figure – end pathetic.
14/56 2-274) His [?] seems a struggle agst nature, which is too strong for him (in love affairs & everything)
14/57 2-275) He writes sister's marriage letters, &c, fatal capacity for assuming any sentiment.
14/58 2-281) S.T. [`Sentimental Tommy'] Wistfulness in a face the saddest thing – (whether beautiful or not). J's wistfulness means wd like so much to have[?] [?] and never can.
14/59 2-282) S.T. Girl at Bowen thought Jim cd get anything he wanted from God.
14/60 2-284) Mrs Ogilvy in [?] told lady visitor `Who are you to advise me? You never were a mother.' (Woman cried, This O Lord never mentioned child for 45 years)
14/61 2-285) S.T. He writes sister's letters glowingly to himself & doesn't see loneliness till pointed out – This shows how his sentiment masters him.
14/62 2-286) S.T. Man in so nervous a state tht in night the rubbing of his eyelashes on pillow seemed great noise.
14/63 2-288) S.T. After S.T. thought these things & felt sentimental again, he takes notes of it for his books.
14/64 2-289) Becky Sharp is the Napoleon of fiction.
14/65 2-291) S.T. Cd marry a countess if he liked but has none of tht snobishness. (Kisses her?)
14/66 294) 1 Act Play or Story. Dreamt on Boxing Night '92 tht I was writing – not well – overworked. Dunn came in about copy – suddenly I wrote `Murder' &c, & sprang at him mad – he escaped crying `My God, surely not this!' I heard him coming back upstairs & waited to kill him. He only locked door on outsied & went off. Then I realised I had been mad for some minutes – saw clearly he had gone for help – agony – I felt I wd be taken to asylum, my grief was mostly for Maggie, felt must prevent for her sake. I planned scheme – when Dunn returned with Doctor & two men I writing quite calmly, they puzzled, doctor looks at me doubtfully – Dunn implores me to say he wasn't mistaken (or he is mad). I took Doctor aside & convinced him (after he narrowly examined me) tht Dunn had been queer in my rooms. Then I get them out, myself cleared of suspicion – Then woke up shivering.
Adapt this – suppose self married had refused to go seaside with wife – tho' overworked – now agree to go – she knows nothing – Dunn might have been lover of my daughter to whom I had refused to give him – now give her ∵ feel have wronged him – End left alone. I say `My God!' &c.
(After left alone when Dunn leaves I cd plan out scheme without words). Title: `A Warning'.
[Dunn was Managing Editor of Henley's `National Observer'. Quoted by Mackail, with minor variations, on p.207/8]
14/67 296) `For Life' Play title (?)
14/68 299) S.T. John thinks D.D. wd organise own funeral. [Etc.]
14/69 301) S.T. (A short story) Girl knows hero will marry her in pity – ruin his career – drowns self to save him (can't live without him) to look like accident (He suspects).
14/70 302) Play Two strangers meeting in house.
1st: Warm day.
2nd : Beg pardon?
1st: Warm day.
1st: (Fiercely) Warm day.
2nd: Oh. (Repeat on other trite subject)
14/71 306) So-called Christian dying saying not sure of heaven – wd have been devil of man – is not so sure now & fears has flung away his life in religion.
14/72 307) Cont'd from 301 – Girl supposed suicide – not done it yet, watches him unobserved to see how takes news – sees he really relieved – then she does it.
14/73 310) Short Story Married man on death-bed – strange woman comes to nurse him – leaves on death. None but dead man know who she was.
14/74 314) Play Scene Old dying soldier doesn't know wht said around him – dozing. In distance sound of army band marching past. He salutes marchers, &c. (then dies?)
14/75 319) Short Story Woman gave up joys of life to secret hoarding – worked – They spent the money on her tombstone. (Mrs M Gillings of A.L. Kirk found to have saved 200 when died – surprised husband erected tombstone with part of money).
14/76 320) He is practically self-educated – was at Oxford (as Lyell boy said of Eton).
14/77 325) Club Window Book Girl's lover to whom about to be married dies – her mother instrumental in getting her to marry another man. Yet in end it is seen secretly mother thinks daughter shd have remained virgin to old love & herself feels has shamed herself before old love's memory.
14/78 329) Fall of a Sawn Tree Tearing sound as of monster giving up life.
14/79 331) P.L. [`Painted Lady'] Strange at nights starting up in bed, listening, &c, fears – All this Grisel had to endure, & soothe mother – her horror of night.
14/80 335) An old woman's thoughts on death – secret feelings, wistful, ½ afraid, wandering mind, `Is this my bed?' `Is that you, John? – You're my son, aren't you?' Using words of childhood. (P.L.?)
14/81 338) Girl likes to think there are a few things lover doesn't know about her.
14/82 340) Son asked if his father had left him anything – `Yes, disease of the liver.'
14/83 341) Pickeldy pickle – to be in a pickle – in a mess.
14/84 342) Ladies of today cd be divided into those who denounce men for having seduced them, & those who denounce them ∵ they won't seduce them.
14/85 346) Mother Her love for her father – as aged she thinks she is young again, & he is alive. She thinks her son is him, & he pretends he is,, & says the kind of things her father wd have said,, & she is happy – yet it is pathetic to think tht she has forgotten son who has been so good to her. The whole thing a proof how the people & events of our own childhood impress us. As we die, all else vanishes, & we use the words (lie mother) tht we have not used for sixty years & see the old furniture & faces & seem to live the old life.
14/86 347) Waverley Novel How delightful to enjoy oneself without knowing why. It is to be a boy again. So greatest romanticists sweep us along – can't be done if they are self-conscious, which turns us into critics. Spirit of the age is agst this joy of being [?] us. (Analytic critics, &c). The great aim of novel to take us out of ourselves – New critics hold reverse tht it shd take us further into ourselves.
14/87 357) Goustie = Windy.
14/88 358) Story – The Four Cowards. Four brothers well off &c, all afraid to marry. How women worked them. (And other bachelors in town – How talked of one being `got', &c).
14/89 364) Poem – Birth & Death – The two in rivalry, contend which gets most victories, Birth says he has got a child in - [?], Death replies he has got the mother, &c.
14/90 376) Elspeth [as a child] excited abt story of prince who was turned into a cocoa nut & someone nearly ate him. She doesn't see how anyone who was eaten cd go to heaven. T: No, unless he took the man tht ate him wi him – and he wd be sweer [O.E.D. Sweer = Reluctant/Unwilling]
14/91 375) Secretive man like one who goes about with his blinds down.
14/92 383)* Unconscious pathos in people who are perpetually giving LSD away.
14/93 387) Chief Character of S.T. [`Sentimental Tommy'] He so many people * wondered wht his real character was – did not see tht that was it. Knew this later, had thorough knowledge of himself.
14/94 389) Articles 4. How wrotre `My Boyhood' leaving space for moral reflections (letters between self & sister) (a la drawing-room Punch & Judy).
14/95 390) London S.T. & G [Grisel] folding away nightgowns, &c. preparing for coming to Thrums before mother dead, asking her how many days now, &c. Unconscious pathos. Or article a la Mother preparing for going to Maggie's – changes cup, packing &c, talking in bed – pathetic if said at end the woman never managed it – died.
14/96 394) Well of tears in hollow of eyes
14/97 400) G putting finger in coffin, asking God to see to the man, her father, &c.
14/98 406) Character All one needs 12/- a week live respectfully, & a little over to get decently drunk on Saturdays.
[Note #412 dated February 10th, 1894]
14/99 414) None can write deeply from heart without its being out of love for certain people. – His love for these give him so much anxiety tht prevents his ever doing his best – Thus it gives him the capacity & prevents his using it.
14/100 416) If T[ommy] great name, it is self abnegation of him to return with Grizel to Thrums, when they have thought him a wonder & will now despise him.
14/101 418) Mother's Marriage was on March 1st . On previous Sunday so much snow lying tht no preaching. Two people forced a way into kirk (parish) & proclaimed her for third time (minister not among them). Asked how dressed at her wedding, said she forget – then giggled & said it was yellow print with blue spots.
14/102 421) Den - A snow house in winter.
14/103 422) A mouthful of cold.
14/104 428) S.T. If G & T living together at end she might be all right in daytime but have alarms, nervousness, &c at night like mother, & need gentle treatment like own to mother.
14/105 440) S.T. More natural for Elspeth (than for Tommy) to discover Grizel's necklace, 1d, & keep secret from him. (He knows now tht ths not the way children come tho' knows no more).
14/106 448) Shovel was three years older than T & four or five years dirtier.
[Last note No. 457. Remaining pages of notebook contain instructions on how to use a camera (1. Focus. 2. Press button till click. 3. Key. 4. Pull string.) Various addresses (including R.l. Stevenson's in Samoa) and a few un-numbered notes & snatches of dialogue]
14/108 Our love has brought me nothing but misery.
14/109 Your love has put me into this clock.
14/110 He: We see someone coming.
Girl: Hm! If it is Tom I can tell by looking at him whether he is in love.
14/111 [Crossed out: Boy all nerves… You are very ignorant.]
14/112 P.W.L.: How? Must we instruct you in the mysteries of love-making?
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